This is not a post about movies I don’t like. This is a post about movies that I really wanted to like but they never let me do that.
Let me start with Krish 3. Or Krrish 3. Or Kkkrriisssshhhh 3. Whatever is the spelling of that. So much seems to have gone into the most beneficial spelling for the film, they didn’t have time to make an honest film.
I have not seen the film. I do not plan to waste my money on it. I can tell you from watching the trailers that this is a gross Hollywood scenes and ideas copy film. Also, there are way too many unnecessary angles about Hrithik-Priyanka romance. Also, Rakesh Roshan is severely limiting Hrithik’s career by making films that could have been path-breaking but are instead, dung.
Let me give general pointer tips for Indian Superhero Films, including the Krish films and Ra One.
Tip 1 – We do NOT need to copy from Hollywood EVERY single time.
We CAN come up with good original stuff. If YOU cannot, I am ready to give you some ideas for FREE, just so that I don’t have to be ashamed of being an Indian because of our film industry.
>>This includes the missing father angle in Ra One – we simply do not have as many missing dad homes as the target audience of Hollywood.
>>This includes X-Men copying in Krish. The Clark Kent disguises. The Superman-Lois Lane flying above the city shot. (I haven’t even watched the film)
Tip 2 – Let Superhero films be about SUPERHEROES!
This one is so obvious, I think the film makers tend to miss this. Also, if you think a family entertainer cannot be made without unnecessary crap like romance and songs, you are WRONG! Just because nobody has the balls to make one, doesn’t mean it cannot be made. If you don’t have balls, don’t make superhero films. It is just dishonest. We like Hollywood superhero films so much because they are superhero films, not films made while thinking the audience is too RETARDED to come watch the film if it does not have a romance angle to it.
>>Do not tell me Krish needed a heroine. He did NOT.
>>Ra One scriptwriters and Shahrukh forgot the movie was about a robot trying to be human and put in way too much of skimpy clad Kareena in it.
Tip 3 – Superhero films do not need half-NAKED women.
Seriously. Ask your mother, if you don’t believe me. They also do not need Genital, Sex, Biology, Marriage related jokes, because your primary target audience is kids. KIDS. What are you smoking to make such blaring mistakes?!
>>What is with Priyanka’s outfits in the movie? Is Krish in love with her or her THIGHS?
>>Ra One had so much of innuendo, I could not figure out what kind of kids the movie was made for. And the Chammakchallo song, how did it pass the Censor board?
Tip 4 – Please leave out the shitty humour.
Really. What is with the awesomely bad humour especially for superhero films. If you cannot write humour for kids, leave it. You don’t have to bring in innuendo. You don’t have to have too much slapstick. You don’t have to TEACH the audience to laugh by making the main characters laugh at the jokes first.
Krish, I have given up on. Ra One, supremely disappointed me. Although I am not a fan of Shahrukh Khan movies, as a man, he comes across as very industrious and that is something I respect. During the making of Ra One, I had read an interview of the Khan where he said he had to wear that suit for 10 hours each day and even going to the loo was difficult. Couple that with the insanely high budget for the film and I was really looking forward to it. Till they thought they needed an ITEM number to promote it.
I watched the film at home. It was a bad film. The script was poor. The acting was bad. The action scenes were too few. Who was the film made for? There were too many sexual references. Kareena needed more clothes. Chammakchallo should have been cut out. The humour scenes could have done without sexual references. If you think I am mentioning sex too often, imagine how much of it the movie had.
Chandani Chowk to China. I am an Akshay Kumar fan. No, not the Rowdy Rathore and Boss kinds. Haven’t even watched those at home. Considering CCtoC this was going to be India’s first martial arts films, I was VERY excited. The movie sucked. It wasn’t about martial arts. It was a bad script with a little martial arts in it. Akshay Kumar was visibly upset over the film having flopped, but it was a bad film. Deepika Padukone had a double role. One of the twins was introduced as very good at martial arts. If a character is said to have a particular quality in a story, that quality needs to be USED. In a martial art film, if a character is said to be kickass at martial arts, the character needs to be part of a major fight scene! But she wasn’t! Why the fuck!?
Like I said in the beginning of this piece, this isn’t about film bashing. I am not trying to get laughs or trying to sound cool. We are the biggest film makers in the world. We have millions of good screen writers. We also have script doctors. If you are making a film, at least attempt to make a good one. PLEASE do not ass lick to Hollywood and copy from there. We are not that bad. We can do good. I swear.
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